Nursing a Toddler

At 19 months old, there is no question that my little Monkey has left infancy behind and is now a full fledged toddler.  And really, toddlerhood is a lot of fun!  I love watching him as he learns new things every minute, and I swear, his vocabulary is increasing exponentially. His play has evolved into more pretend play and sensory exploration, leaving pretty terrific messes in his wake.  He has also become much more independent.  I was amazed last weekend at a St. Patrick's day party when he took off with his Granny and Papa for at least a half an hour before he came looking for me.  But all of this learning, growing, and newfound independence is exhausting, and he still loves to snuggle up with his mama and nurse.

So, how is nursing a toddler different than nursing a baby?

For starters, he's bigger and he won't sit still, but that's not so bad.  Because he's bigger, he's able to latch on all by himself and I can multitask while he snacks.  In fact, he's nursing down for a nap as I type this.  The gym-nurse-tics I could do without most of the time, but if nothing else, it's quite entertaining (it certainly provides my husband with a source amusement as Monkey assumes the downward dog yoga position without unlatching).

The part I hate the most about nursing a toddler? The dreaded nursing in public.  I feel very self conscious when we nurse in public (which is not helped by his distracted Karate Kid inspired nursing style: latch-on, latch-off).  Sometimes I find myself hoping that Monkey won't ask for milk (or, muk, as he calls it) until we get home.  But, to be honest, most of the time no one even bats an eye, and if they have an opinion they keep it to themselves.

When he was younger, I proudly nursed in public everywhere we went. By openly breastfeeding in public, I felt like was helping other mothers (who might be nervous about doing so themselves) by normalizing it.  I have to periodically remind myself that the same is true for nursing a toddler in public.  There are a lot of "closet-nursing" mamas out there who, just like me, feel squeamish about others knowing that their toddler is still breastfeeding.

Now, I'm not going to lie.  I am not as open about it as I used to be.  Most of the time, Monkey nurses in our ErgoBaby carrier, and, while I don't cover him up (as if he'd allow that!), most people don't realize that he's nursing and think he's just sleeping.  But, some people do notice and they often give me a look or even say something to let me know that they've noticed.  Sometimes it's a look of disapproval or disbelief, but more often than not, it's a knowing smile from a mama who's been there, and that just makes my day.

I have no intention of weaning him before his second birthday (as recommended by the World Health Organization, among others), and I have no idea how long we'll continue with our nursing relationship after that.  Perhaps I'll let him self-wean, I'm just not sure yet.  For now, I'm enjoying the snuggles and milky smiles while I still can.

Unsolicited advice for my pregnant friends

If you are already visibly pregnant, you may have already noticed that social boundaries are beginning to change as friends, family, and even complete strangers put their hands on your belly - sometimes without even asking!  Over the course of the next few months, you’re going to hear from just about everyone that your life is about to change in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. The barista at Starbucks will warn you about the sleep deprivation and tell you to get lots of sleep now (as if that’s going to make you feel better when you’ve been up for days with only a few hours of sleep – “Oh, I’m so glad I got all that sleep last month!”).  The lady behind you in line at the supermarket will tell you all about her own (or her sister’s, cousin’s, best friend’s or neighbor’s) pregnancies.  Some coworker will recount every gory detail of her first pregnancy, from morning sickness to crowning.  

The good news is that you won’t be pregnant forever, and the belly groping will eventually stop.  The bad news?  Once your baby is born, the unsolicited advice will overflow as you will become fair game for every well-meaning man, woman, and child to tell you everything you’re doing wrong and why their way is better.   

So, what makes me think you want to hear my advice now?  Well, maybe you don’t, but these are the things that I wish people HAD told me when I was pregnant, rather than telling me about their sister-in-law’s failed induction that led to a c-section or why I must get the epidural.  The following is my unsolicited advice:

1. You're reading the wrong books

When I was pregnant, I read lots of books: What to Expect When You're Expecting, Your Pregnancy Week by Week, and even Belly Laughs, by Jenny McCarthy.  It was fun reading about my baby's weekly development, and I felt reassured that all of my wacky pregnancy "symptoms" were normal.  It never occurred to me to read some baby books as well.  Seriously.  There I was, thrilled to be pregnant (despite the water retention, swollen hippo feet, acne, and frequent trips to the bathroom), just giddy with excitement about having a baby, but I was so caught up in the pregnancy part that I forgot to read ahead to find out what was coming next.  Well girls, all that free time you have to read while you're pregnant is going to be a distant memory once your bundle of joy arrives, so take advantage of it and read up a little bit on burping, spit-up, colostrum, umbilical cord care, sleep, and poop (it's amazing how interested in poop you will become in your first few weeks as a new mom).  I highly recommend The Baby Book (along with just about everything from the Sears Library), Sleeping With Your Baby, by Dr. James McKenna (even if you don't plan on co-sleeping), and The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley.

2. Do your own research

In addition to reading the baby books, I encourage you to once again take advantage of the free time you have now and do some research.  Think your doctor has told you all you need to know?  Think again.  I believe that most doctors really do have good intentions, but too many of them are not up to date on current recommendations or may not have taken the time to fully educate themselves and then their patients.  The burden is on you, so do your homework.  Find out what you need to know about medicated birth, vaccines, circumcision, and breastfeeding.  You will need to make decisions about all of these things and you will likely feel more comfortable if those decisions are informed.

3. Keep the receipts

Nesting during pregnancy inspires many trips to the local baby store.  I remember marching (well, actually, I was waddling) up and down the aisles with my husband, armed with our barcode scanner registry gun, convinced that we needed everything in that store.  We spent months agonizing over choosing the right crib, stroller, bottles, and the rest of the obligatory baby gear.  Well, I can tell you that our beautiful (and expensive) crib has yet be slept in, Monkey spends more time in a sling, wrap, or carrier than in a stroller, and once we had established breastfeeding, he refused bottles.

4. Attend a La Leche League meeting

It’s no secret that I’m a lactivist and want every baby to be breastfed, so I’m going to skip the part where I tell you all about the wonderful benefits to both baby and mom (I’ll save that for another post).  You probably already know most of that stuff anyway, right?  What you may not know is that breastfeeding, much like most aspects of parenting, is not without its challenges, and may not come “naturally” to all mothers and babies.  This is especially true for mothers who have endured highly medicalized births such as inductions or cesarean sections.  The best way to combat these breastfeeding challenges, should you encounter them, is to arm yourself with knowledge before they occur.  Yup, I’m telling you to do more homework.  Go to a La Leche League meeting near you and talk to other moms.  Moms-to-be attend all the time, so there’s no need to feel weird about possibly attending without a babe in arms.  Listen to the moms and meeting leaders and ask them any questions that you may have.  You may find that some of them delivered in the same hospital or birthing center as you and they may have specific advice.  LLL meetings are great for growing your circle of mom friends and for getting the support that many breasteeding moms seek.

So, there you have it.  I hope that this helps you along as you fumble towards motherhood.  Just one more thing:

5.  Enjoy every minute

I know, I know, the hippo feet, the nausea, the aching back, the hot flashes, and the exhaustion… I haven’t forgotten.  But I promise you that you will have moments when you miss being pregnant.  That amazing feeling of your baby moving around in your belly is unlike anything else in the world.  It’s the beginning of the unique bonding that takes place between mother and baby, and it really is amazing.  Remember, it only lasts for about nine months – a blip in your lifetime – so take the time to enjoy it.

I'm a Little Bit Crunchy

The Definition of a "Crunchy Mama" (according to Urban Dictionary):  

"Mother who supports homebirth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc. One who questions established medical authority; tends to be vegetarian and/or prepare all-organic foods. See crunchy and hippie.

'That crunchy mama is breastfeeding in public again!'"

While I remain undecided on having a homebirth myself (the four doctors who make up my child's grandparents would have a collective conniption), I fully support a mother's right to make that choice for herself.  I am a passionate breastfeeding lactivist (and IBCLC-in-training).  I wear my baby as often as possible and my collection of baby carriers is ever expanding.  I like the idea of cloth diapering, but Hubby thinks it's gross, and the truth is, the initial cost is so much more expensive than sticking with disposables.  I believe that co-sleeping is natural for babies and cribs are silly.  Gentle discipline has always been my way, even as a teacher.  I hate using anything with unnecessary dyes or fragrances, especially on my baby.  I am vegetarian and I plan on feeding my baby whole natural (preferably organic) foods rather than jarred processed foods through baby-led weaning when he is ready for solids.  I am a vegetarian, but that's not a choice I plan on making for Monkey.  And don't even get me started about extended breastfeeding!  That one's gonna open a big can of worms after Monkey's first birthday.

So it seems that, now that I'm a mom, I'm a little bit crunchy.  I don't think I'm super granola crunchy, but just a little crunchy (although urban dictionary may beg to differ).  Unfortunately, outside of my online circle of friends, I don't have many people in my life who would describe themselves as such, so I often find myself keeping my crunchy opinions quiet.  And, you know what?  That kind of sucks.

But, what to do?  I like my friends so I'm not looking to trade them in for crunchier alternatives, nor do I wish to "convert" them.  The truth is, I would guess that most of them would be surprised to learn that I'm a little bit crunchy.  Hubby is aware (although slightly in denial) and tolerant of my crunchy tendencies and is even somewhat supportive (as long as the ideas that I propose are not too much more expensive than their less-than-green alternatives as we are on a tight budget these days).

Are there any other closet-crunchies out there?

Breastfeeding Part I

As I held my baby for the first time, I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  The feeling was surreal to say the least.  Once in the recovery room, my mom encouraged me to breastfeed him.  I had no idea of what I was doing and wasn't sure if we were doing it right, but I was thrilled that we were doing it!  


It kind of went downhill from there.  When I was pregnant, I knew that I would breastfeed, but I really didn't know how difficult it could be.  I though that the baby would just know what to do and that would be it.  I realized very quickly that that was not the case for me and my little Monkey.  


During my five day stay at the hospital I saw the lactation consultants every day.  I was also given advice by several nurses who I assumed knew as much as the IBCLCs.  I now know that much of their advice, while well-meaning, did more harm than good.  I was getting so much conflicting advice from so many different people and I didn't know which I should follow.  


On the evening of the third day, a nursery nurse came in and told me and Hubby that Monkey had lost 8.5% of his birth weight and needed to be supplemented with formula since my milk had not yet come in.  I had heard of hospitals pushing formula when it wasn't necessary, and I knew that colostrum was enough for my baby, so I said "NO," and said that I wanted to speak with the pediatrician who was recommending it.  The nurse left and I called my mom in tears.  She went to La Leche League's website and found that 8.5% weight loss was normal and not a cause for concern.  She told me that what they were doing wasn't right and that I had the right to refuse the formula supplementation. 


The nurse came back a short time later with the pediatrician.  He told us that 8.5% was too much weight loss and that we really should "let him have some formula."  He went on to assure me that a little formula would not mean the end of breastfeeding and made it sound like I was starving my baby.  Hubby was worried and told me that I needed to listen to the doctor, but I held my ground.  Through my tears, I said "no" again.  I was scared though.  Was the pediatrician right?  Was I starving him?  


The pediatrician was clearly annoyed that I had not agreed and he said that we could wait till the morning, but if my milk wasn't in by then, we'd have to supplement.  He left and another nurse came in with a pump.  She was very kind and she told me not to worry as she showed me how to use the pump.  I pumped all night and we finger-fed Monkey the colostrum with a syringe.  Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, my milk came in!  Hubby and I were both so relieved, and I thought for sure that the hardest part was over.  


next:
Breastfeeding Part II